In my next life, I want to be a management consultant

I once blogged that in my next life, I wanted to be reincarnated as a weatherman. You get to make predictions and have no accountability when they are wrong (except for one Washington, DC weatherman who was given a "time out" after an erroneous forecast).

I know it can be stressful when you have to stand on the beach in front of a TV camera and try to keep your cap on during a hurricane.

But even so, it seems a bit easier than being a surgeon, a job which is very stressful and carries strong penalties for errors—especially for the patients.

Another occupation that is similar in circumstances and results to meteorology is that of management consultant. They advise, and they leave. They don't see the aftermath of their actions nor do they suffer the consequences. They also make a lot of money.

Corporate speak taken to a higher level

I came across a wonderful example of corporate speak a couple of weeks ago and finally have the time to share it with you.

Having once worked in a large hospital which was thoroughly infused with all of the bad things about corporations including all of the jargon, I’ve always been a fan of the comic strip Dilbert. As evidenced by today’s (July 12) strip, the following is certainly Dilbert-worthy.

An article appeared in the Atlantic Wire about the continuing downfall of Research in Motion, the company that makes the once-vaunted BlackBerry. RIM badly misread the evolution of the smartphone and finds itself laying off 5000 employees and losing tons of money.

According to the story, the CEO of RIM had the following comment during a conference call about the companies plunging sales figures.

He said, "I am not satisfied with these results and continue to work aggressively with all areas of the organization and the Board to implement meaningful changes to address the challenges, including a thoughtful realignment of resources and honing focus within the Company on areas that have the greatest opportunities."

Fortunately, I do not own any RIM stock, but if I did I would not be reassured by a 48 word sentence that when read closely, says absolutely nothing.