The following was recently posted by an anonymous woman as a
comment on a blog post I wrote about the difficulty one has in choosing a
medical specialty. I was so taken with it that I wanted to give it more exposure.
[Note: The comment contained a few typos which I have corrected. Otherwise it
is unchanged.] My response has been amplified slightly.
Since you are so
senior to me, let me ask you for your thoughts. I got into medical school,
studied, worked hard, got into residency and learnt, spent hours and hours in
hospital, loved critical care and got into fellowship. Along the way met a guy
(both were residents at that time), fell in love and we both dreamt and read
and learnt and discussed cases. He decided on cardiology and I decided on
critical care. Both got into fellowships ....worked hard, spent long hours into
fellowship...we were committed. We ARE committed but divided.... We had kids
and now every day I feel divided. I have a feeling that all "old timers
" like you who worked for longer hours and did frequent night calls, had
" spouse" who take care of your kids and you did not have to worry as
much. Times were different. Times were not so dangerous and kids’ safety
outside of the house was not so concerning.
In my situation, my spouse and I are both physicians in fields that require us to spend lots and lots of hours in hospital. If I were to find a traditional practice and work every 3rd night, who will raise my kids? Who will teach them right from wrong? Everything is on rise–drug abuse, physical abuse, drop-out rates. I WANT to raise my kids and be there to guide them. So yes I want a practice where call frequency is lesser, where I can spend evening with my kids (not because I want to have fun but I want to be there).
We do not think about all this when we get into medical school and I did not think about this when I married my husband and we did not think about this when we chose our subspecialities. Perhaps that was a mistake.
It was easier for us. There were far fewer women in medical
school. My class of 180 had only 20 women in it. Our chances of marrying
another doctor were much lower, especially since same sex marriage was not in
vogue back then. I was fortunate to have married a woman who is both a nurse
and a saint. She took 13 years off from work to raise the children.
Have you thought about joining a group and working
part-time, maybe with shorter hours and fewer nights on call?
I was touched by your palpable internal turmoil. My heart goes out to you. I hope you can find the balance you seek. Your last paragraph sums it up. Everyone in medical school should read it.
I was touched by your palpable internal turmoil. My heart goes out to you. I hope you can find the balance you seek. Your last paragraph sums it up. Everyone in medical school should read it.