Mall Fall Fallout

Yesterday a video of a woman who fell into a mall fountain while texting went viral. It was taken by security personnel whose comments can be heard since they were recording from a TV screen with a phone camera.

The woman, clearly unhurt, gets right up, grabs her phone from the water and walks away. The clip is funny and it sends a message that texting while walking can be dangerous. So let’s move on to today’s viral video.

Not so fast. Cue “The Lawyer.”

In a story in today’s Reading Eagle newspaper, the woman, who works at a store in the mall, outed herself and has hired the inevitable attorney. They are claiming that instead of laughing at her, mall security should have checked to see if she was all right. The lawyer, James M. Polyak, “…plans to conduct an investigation into what happened.” The article goes on to quote Polyak, who in his best legalese said "We are troubled by the fact that anyone at the Berkshire Mall responsible for releasing this video would find humor in an employee injured on the premises. We intend to hold the appropriate persons responsible.”

I would like to help. Here is a list of potential targets for the impending lawsuits:

1. The security personnel who did not come to her aid with towels.
2. The owners of the mall who did not screen the security guards properly and who did not post signs stating that texting while walking could be dangerous.
3. The architect who negligently placed fountain where people might walk.
4. The construction company who did not place a proper barricade around the fountain.
5. The city of Reading and Berks County for not exercising due diligence when reviewing the plans for the mall.
6. The company that supplied the construction materials.
7. The State of Pennsylvania for not foreseeing this event and enacting laws governing fountains in malls.
8. The water company for supplying water to a hazardous fountain.
9. The cellular telephone company for not advising the victim that texting while walking could be dangerous.
10. Matti Makkonen, a Finnish guy, who might have invented texting and Friedhelm Hillebrand, a German guy, who also might have invented texting.
11. The estate of Alexander Graham Bell, inventor of the telephone.
12. The victim’s friend from church who was negligently engaging the victim in a text conversation while the victim was walking.
13. The federal government because it has “deep pockets.”
14. The United Nations.

Update:
This just in. According to another story in the Reading Eagle, the Mall Fall Lady has an interesting record including unauthorized use of a co-workers credit card, theft and hit-and-run driving. You cannot make this stuff up.